So, I was saddened to see that Marni (Mockbee) Henderson had died last month of congestive heart failure. The notice showed up way late in the paper, not until just a few days ago, over three weeks since she left us. Lots of folks around here will be saddened at Marni's passing, as she was our barber. Really, she's the only steady barber I've had in Weatherford since I came here in '96, even though I've transgressed from time to time and hit one of the franchise shops (but only on those times when I was desperate and Marni happened to be closed). I've always gone back to Marni, my local independent businesswoman.
Marni was a good ol' Texas gal, and she knew everybody's business, but in an endearing and entertaining sort of way. If something interesting was happening in Parker County, you often heard about it first from Marni. Plus, the icing on the cake was that not only was she entertaining, she was actually good at cutting hair. That particular combination of attributes can be kind of rare here in small town Texas.
She was only 48 when she passed. She had had a stroke; it was in 2009, as I recall. However, she seemed to rebound quite well from it. But it was probably a portent of the future. Marni's health was apparently on a long downward slide. I'm trying to remember if she was a smoker; I seem to recall that she would step outside the shop from time to time to take a puff, but I wouldn't testify to that under oath. Of course, I was gone from Marni's world, due to my incarceration, between 2010 and late 2011 and couldn't keep up with her more recent health issues.
I saw her for the last time about four months ago. I had been back home in Weatherford for only about four months that day. She rolled on by me in her truck as I walked down York Avenue, and as she did, lowered the window and hollered at me that she was now working for another barbering establishment over on Palo Pinto. So, she had given up running her own shop! I waved and nodded my head to assure her that she would be seeing me again. But I was broke then, and store-bought haircuts would have to wait until my personal economy was on the rebound. Alas, the happy reunion never came.
Marni seemed almost destined for a bit shorter life than most of us enjoy. She had terrible luck with the male gender, in terms of getting a good specimen of lasting value. Her man Lee Henderson passed in 2008, also at age 48. I don't think it's a coincidence that she had the stroke just a few months later.
I know that she had gotten a new man in her life before I went away, but I can't recall his name, and I don't know if they were still together during her final days. But I assuage my sadness with the thought that she had plenty of loving kith and kin at her side when she left.
Adios, Marni.
Note: the photo of Marni Henderson was found on the Weatherford Democrat website; no photographer attribution was given. Text alteration was added by me. I will be happy to comply with a removal notice if contacted by the copyright holder to the original photographic image.
nice work, you done her right proud bucko!
ReplyDeleteShe was having an affair with my husband a few years ago...in turn he and I divorced after 20 years of marriage. It is always sad to see that someone has passed away after such a short life and I didn't wish her any bad karma. God has a plan for everyone and my children and I have moved on from the pain she has caused us and what used to be our family. Hopefully she had made peace with her god and all that she had done with her life.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, and I'm sorry to hear about this tragedy in your own life that Marni played a role in. The thought occurs to me that possibly a lot of us are a bit like Marni, in that we may be a source of happiness to some, while a curse to others. I know from my own life experience that at times I've been a godsend to some people (like a dying uncle back in the 90's and my beloved aunt who needed help caring for him), while at the same time I was often a source of pain to others (like the rest of my friends and family, who have had to deal with my bouts of drug addiction, mental illness and homelessness over the past two decades).
DeleteOf course, it's bad enough when we realize that we're the proximate cause of suffering in another person through our words or actions, but sometimes I wonder what sort of suffering I may have caused others without my realizing it. When I ponder this, it is powerful motivation for the continual renewal of my vow to not be a cause of suffering in others through thought, word or action.
The flip side of this is that at the same time, I must forgive and let go of the words and deeds of others when they are a proximate cause for suffering to arise in my own mind. When I analyze things carefully, I realize that even though others may speak or act with heedlessness or even malice towards me — who is responsible for my suffering? Is it them? Well, they certainly may reap their own share of bad karma for what they've done, but ultimately, they can't cause me to suffer unless I allow them to. In other words, only I am responsible for my own suffering, for my own mental health and happiness. Others can be more or less helpful, but ultimately they can't make me happy or sad, joyous or miserable. My mind may be under their influence, but not under their control. There is weighty responsibility in this idea, but also the promise of potential freedom. What is it that I hear Christians saying all the time? Oh, yes: "God helps those who help themselves." I think that doing your best to get your head on straight and gain insight into the causes of suffering — and why we allow ourselves to suffer — certainly qualifies as helping yourself.
It sounds like you have tried to do what you needed to do to move on and not let another person's actions poison your future happiness. This is very good and I think that wisdom arises from thinking and acting in a healthy way, consistently, over an extended period of time.
Some words on the subject of forgiveness and healing from two of the world's great spiritual traditions:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37
3. "He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me," — in those who harbor such thoughts hatred will never cease.
4. "He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me," — in those whom such thoughts have ceased, so too hatred will cease.
5. For hatred does not cease by hatred at any time: hatred ceases by love, this is an eternal rule.
6. The world does not know that we must all come to an end here; — but those who know it, their quarrels cease at once.
The Dhammapada, Chapter I
May all beings be happy!
TK
I know no one is perfect however I believe the health, financial, and "men" problems she had were bad choices that she made. She hurt alot of people! I just wanted to set the record straight.
ReplyDelete