Words of Wisdom

Always remember that no matter how bad it gets,
your cat can always wander off and go live with somebody else.

—TK

A public service announcement from the National Salad Fork Safety Council: never run or engage in horseplay while handling your salad fork. Make salad time a safe time!

—TK

Car model names that got rejected:

Kia Sludge Bucket
Chevrolet Monte Hall
Ford Magnum Biscuit Deluxe Cab
Toyota Brick
Honda Cynic
Suburu Wombat Twin Turbo

— TK

From the I-Love-You-Now-Eat-Your-Vegetables Department: Houston boyfriend accidentally gives girlfriend kale instead of flowers.

http://www.chron.com/life/article/Houston-boyfriend-accidentally-gives-girlfriend-11175483.php


—TK

Refrigerator Magnet Classics #323: We'd both be wrong.

This one is from Ephemera-inc.com.

— TK

From the Stuff-You-Can’t-Make-Up Department: an outlaw on my county’s latest Most Wanted list is actually named “Outlaw.”

 —TK

I just read on some science site that wheat have more genetic diversity than humans. Well, that's because wheat sleeps around a lot more. Wheat is an incredibly slutty crop, in my opinion.

—TK

— TK

“WHAT?! You dropped the beer cooler and it fell in WHERE?!!!”

— TK

I would like to remind everybody that now that Monday is here, please remember to take Sunday to the dry cleaners. You got mustard and pickle relish all over it, and I can't even tell what kind of stain that is on the collar.

— TK

Always remember: a journey of a thousand miles is almost certain to pass by a Dairy Queen.

— TK

OK, IT'S OFFICIAL: at 8:53pm this evening, April 23, 2017, I got my first mosquito bite of the year. This means that outdoor grilling, camping, and river float season has OFFICIALLY BEGUN.

May everyone have many happy mosquito bites this season!

(Mosquito photo courtesy Wikipedia contributor Alvesgaspar.)

— TK

Your Daily Classifed Section for Today, January 16, 2017...