SAFETY ALERT:

Harris Teeter frozen Southern Style Hash Browns recalled because they're contaminated with golf balls.

I'm not joking. This is apparently for real:

http://www.wral.com/recall-harris-teeter-frozen-hash-browns-recalled-due-to-golf-balls/16658324/

Quoting from the article at WRAL’s website:

“Check your freezer!

“Harris Teeter Frozen Southern Style Hash Browns have been recalled because they may be contaminated with extraneous golf ball materials. Yes, golf balls.

“North Carolina is included in the recall. The specific recalled product here in NC is the Harris Teeter Brand, 2 lb. Bag of Frozen Southern Style Hash Browns (UPC 007203649020).”

This might not be by accident. I remember that as a kid growing up in the Midwest, Mom made hash browns that had bits of lawn mower parts in 'em, so maybe southern style hash browns are supposed to include golf balls. New England style hash browns have pieces of trawler nets.

Weird (and Possibly Untrue) Animal Facts #244:

The common house cat eats more food than any other animal on earth. The average cat eats over 120 tons of dry cat food every day (more food than a blue whale), and will make its owner run to refill the cat food bowl over 800 times a day on average. And even after that, the cat will still rub up against its owner’s legs begging for some of that canned cat food that tastes like Fishchickenshrimpliver. (I have verified that this is not Fake News and have checked these facts by speaking with over three other cat owners nationwide.)

—TK

Welp, today's the day my sweetie goes into the hospital, where she'll have a fun-filled day consisting of being put unconscious by dangerous chemicals while some people run a tube with a camera and little tiny scissors up her insides and take pictures and go snip snip at stuff. This is after a previous day which consisted of solid food deprivation but lots of chicken broth and jello.

People who have been through this say that the experience is more fun than a vacation in Cancun and they would do it every week if the insurance would pay for it.

— TK

I'm trying to apply for admission to the Electoral College, but I can't find their website.

— TK

Your Daily Classifed Section for Today, January 16, 2017...